Uncle Says: How does your family impact you?
How does your family impact you?
Dear Reader,
Uncle is feeling reflective and a little nostalgic this month! We often experience familial relationships as something that is ascribed, not achieved. Of course, many would argue that one works to maintain relationships, but what happens when generational discord is so entrenched that family becomes a mountain of obstacles? Well, you write, and you write some more until your fingers ache and the anger, pain and sadness melts away into the crisp white of the page. Or indeed, the screen. Throughout this post I’ll link in some of the prompts that came to mind as I dissected my nostalgia for family with the reality of our relationships. At the end, I will include some of my favorite pieces written on the family.
How does socialization shape our family dynamics?
Are we products of our parents or are we merely the product of our own choices as adults?
Recently, I’ve experienced some major familial upheaval that has shaped my perspective and perhaps, shown me the real meaning of family. Through poetry I have been reflecting on the grief that accompanies severing familial ties and breaking away from those that know no loyalty nor empathy. Just cruel manipulation and salacious adventures in idle gossip. I have found this potent need to express my disappointment, my grief and malaise in new ways. This has lead me to question if maybe, I may just be an ornery morose old man residing in the body of a twenty-two-year-old. I joke, but suffering yields cruel results but excellent writing that allows you to learn from your craft.
Why is my family obsessed with power and subordination?
Why is my family so obsessed with blocking each other?
The older I get, the more I learn that our chosen family is what gives us comfort. I reflect on the friendships that have broken with the simplest of disagreements and the family that has failed time and time again. But we are more than the negatives of others. We are not mere imprints of familial systems crumbling. No, we are stronger than our pain and through our words, we can give new meaning to overcoming dysfunction, abuse, and fear.
Why am I the only child?
Why do people hide behind layers of manipulation?
I’ve been nostalgic despite my ruminations and often return to long days driving down to the beaches at the far end of the country, stopping only for fried eggplant sandwiches doused in tahina. This nostalgia has made me grateful for the positive memories I do have, despite them residing firmly in the past. Now, I say to you, lament no further, muse no longer, simply write those memories out until your mind is freed and you are surrounded only by the sublime joy of the beach.
How have I been impacted by familial dysfunction?
How can I do better?
I challenge you to write about your family no matter how dark, saddening or joyous and nostalgic. Challenge yourself to write the words that give you comfort in this transient world that we navigate alone, and, if we’re lucky, with some family that stand by us.
Pieces
https://nightheronbarks.com/fall-2021/joan-kwon-glass/
https://www.westtrestlereview.com/joan-kwon-glass.html
https://readwildness.com/23/ali-motherhood
https://reneeagatepwrites.wordpress.com/2022/11/30/the-keepsake/
My family helped to form who I am, but I decided who I would become. Writing a novel loosely based on my family has been a journey tainted with so many emotions. There were highs and lows full of laughter and tears. Ultimately, I am so glad that I took this on. I’m a more grounded human and I openly express compassion and empathy for others.✨💜✨